If Bloomberg Can Do This To North Korea's Kim Jong Un Why Can't the Financial Times?

The "this" being a three part serialization starting with today's "Kim Jong Un and North Korea's Mysteries":

(This is the first of three articles.)
The mysterious disappearance of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has sparked a frenzy of speculation around the world. Depending on which wild rumor one believes, the Supreme Leader is either sick or dead, has been overthrown in a coup or is simply toying with the outside world yet again....

...MORE
All Kim, all the time.

Instead, the FT, or more specifically the FT's flagship markets/finance/investing/econ blog FT Alphaville devotes mere seconds to:

This is the transcript of the Markets Live session ending at 12:05 on 14 Oct 2014. Participants in this session were: Paul Murphy Bryce Elder

PM

HE’S ALIVE!

PM

Cheese producers of the world. REJOICE!

PM

And he’s not just alive

PM

He’s got a new haircut

PM

PM Dunno how many of these I should share...MORE

Since they wanted to accentuate the positive why not go with:

Or:

Maybe:

And the impact his resurfacing will have on real estate values in the Emme River valley.
(it's an Emmental ref., long way, short yuck, sorry)